Aries: i’ve seen whats down there. and i’d give ANYTHING to unsee it
Taurus: you were looking at your phone, you dip. what were you tweeting!? “hashtag there’s a freaking ghost after us”!?!?
Gemini: when are you gonna take her to the BONE ZONE?
Cancer: fuck nuggets
Leo: you couldn’t buy a moldy loaf of bread with your skanky ass
Virgo: jesus hot sauce christmas cake
Libra: let’s party like we’re fucking porn stars
Scorpio: understand the palm of my hand bitch!
Sagittarius: GO SUCK AN EGG
Capricorn: like a world class douche nozzle
Aquarius: HEY! YEAH! PRICKS! THAT MEANS YOU! I KNOW you’re OUT THERE! The FUCK are you trying to do!? You want to ruin our fun THAT BAD?! Well GUESS WHAT?! You can’t! You can’t ruin our good time! Because Michael and I are gonna FUCK! That’s right! We are going to have SEX! And it’s going to be HOT! So ENJOY IT! Because I know WE’RE GOING TO!
Pisces: danger is my middle fucking name