chalupacabras:

ESTP: you buy so much taco bell you now own shares of the company and the manager lets you fuck his wife on the reg

ISTP: you keep breaking shit trying to take stuff apart. Why do you keep doing this?? You’re like a magpie. Stop breaking shit

ESFJ: you keep getting pickpocketed because you be on that phone

ISFJ: you keep trying to save up for Rainy Days© and Something Big© but you’re still buying food. And concert tickets. And probably really warm scarves and hats

INTP: you have never saved a penny in your life. you have transcended brokeness into hyperbrokeness. your net value is like $4.52 and a McChicken

ENTP: you compulsively buy things that serve zero purpose. The weirder the better. A Barbie doll with big veiny biceps? Yes buddy. Framed painting of Richard Nixon as a 1950s pinup? Hang it over the fireplace you weirdass motherf

INTJ: STOP buying books you DON’T NEED THEM and STOP buying VIDEOGAMES too, buy something you actually need for once. Like muscles

ENTJ: stop hiring all those hitmen and just do the job yourself you coward

ESTJ: You spent all your money on the divorce lawyer that helped you take my house and my car and now you won’t answer my calls, susan, fuck you

ISTJ: you’re not broke. You’re the only one that isn’t, because you’ve got sense. You don’t see the point in spending your hard-earned money on dumb things, like gifts, or charity, or Christmas. Also you will be visited by 3 ghosts at midnight

ESFP: you put up all your money for bail to get your ass out of jail for releasing a live alligator into a walmart

ISFP: how many cats and glitter gel pens and burrito bowls will it take to fill the hole in your heart????

INFJ: All you buy is stationary. You have so many office supplies, all crisp and brand new. You have 100 blank beautiful notebooks that you wanna fill but never have. One time I tried to take one though and you beat me with it

ENFJ: Who cares! You’re the most beautiful and smartest and cutest type. I love all ENFJs, what fine people you are. Just the best, really. Also you buy the most expensive gifts but that’s completely unrelated and has nothing to do with my love for you

INFP: You own more pillows and sweaters than anyone, and you buy the highest quality tea and collect fancy pens. You also like to buy some really neat vintage vinyls and designer perfume. You also have this cursed amulet that whispers to you at night, I guess that’s a little weird

ENFP: you love spending $$ on roadtrips, starbucks, tupperware, balloons, socks, posters, pens, concerts, movies, fast food, Apple products, stickers, popcorn, sno cones, etc. Also you probably accidentally killed someone once and your family paid their family off in court but that’s neither here nor there