I just realized I haven’t told you guys about how 3rd President of the United States Thomas Jefferson haunts my dorm room.
Okay so basically at the beginning of the year, weird shit began happening in our dorm room, me and my roommate would hear/see things, TVs and phones and computers would start on there own and do other weird things.
We decided jokingly that the room was haunted and named the ghost Jeff and even made it a door tag.
Me and my roommate began to notice a trend it the activity of “Jeff” He always seemed to act up most when I talked shit about Thomas Jefferson or James Madison’s personality/policies/etc.
We began to joke that it was Thomas Jefferson or James Madison (hell we even joked it might be Dolley)
Well the other day, our ghost confirmed himself as “Thomas Jefferson.”
After a particularly rude attack on Thomas Jefferson character (I claimed the best thing he ever did was die.) A fucking giant ass jumbo size box of Mac and Cheese fell off of the tallest shelf in our dorm room.
I’m talking one of these babies but it’s like a 20 pack. To me it’s obviously that this is obviously proof that “inventor” of mac and cheese, 3rd President of the United States who was born and died in Virginia travelled to Upstate New York in an area he never even came close to in his life to haunt my dorm
My roommate is not convinced though: She still thinks it could be James Madison.
But a Madison-sized ghost couldn’t have reached the mac and cheese (We conducted an experiment to see if Madison would have been able to reach it when he was only 5′4″ and being 5′4″, I couldn’t even reach it jumping up and down.)
So yes, me and my roommate have proved undeniable that Thomas Jefferson haunts our dorm room.
Also she pointed out that we randomly named the ghost “Jeff” which is pretty fucking close to Jefferson. Coincidence? OBVIOUSLY NOT.
“But a Madison-sized ghost couldn’t have reached the mac and cheese”
I’m so glad I was alive to see this sentence written.
that pancake post reminded me of something else too actually somebody remind me later to tell you guys about my favorite UFO sighting story
ok so here we go
Meet Joe Simonton.
Now this man right here lived in Eagle River, Wisconsin in 1961 and was just mindin’ his own business like any Wisconsin dweller in the late morning when, according to his statement, a casual, giant fucking UFO landed in his backyard. Stay with me here, aight, because not only did he claim aircraft touched down in his humble little lawn, but apparently a bunch of little dudes got out to ask (telepathically) for water. Bear with me here, ok, because according to him when he came back outside with a thing of water there were a bunch more aliens chilling outside of the ship…
…making pancakes.
As most aliens do upon making contact with other civilizations, truly.
So apparently they give Joe 3 of these pancake things in exchange for the water and take off because why the fuck would they hang around
and of course in the name of science Joe eats one and claims it tasted like cardboard but anYwAyS
So he takes the pancakes to the authorities to analyze and they find that they are in fact made of flour and grease and yada yada yada so they naturally assume this guy just fried up some pancakes and brought them in BUT
What they can’t explain is the fact that there were actually signs of some form of large object having taken off from Joe’s lawn.
And I can’t get over the fact that somewhere out there in a government handbook there is a section under Project Bluebook that some poor person had to sit and painstakingly write out in great detail that a man supposedly received pancakes from extraterrestrials
theluminouscosmos 